As I blasted Beyonce’s 4 this morning, in attempt to get through some things I couldn’t help but, pause when “Rather Die Young” came on. In an instant, Amy Winehouse came to mind. I thought about her very public and dangerous love affair with her ex-husband Blake Fielder-Civil.
“Boy you’ll be the death of me. You’re my James Dean. You make me feel like I’m 17. You drive too fast. You smoke too much but that don’t mean a thing because I’m addicted to the rush. Cause I’d rather die young than live my life without you. I’d rather not live. Oh .Oh. Than live my life without you,” Beyonce sings on the Jeff Bhasker produced track.
The first time that I listened to 4 I did not like “Rather Die Young”. The notion of loving someone so much that you’d rather die than live without them is just something that I can’t relate to. And I don’t want to ever be able to relate to it. When I love, I love hard but I love myself first. That’s what Amy was missing. Self love.
About an hour before I learned of Amy’s death I was in Uptown Manhattan dining at Amy Ruth’s with my roommate. A few of Amy’s songs had been played back to back. While leaving the restaurant I told my roommate that I wish Amy would get it together and make a comeback because I loved her music and missed her. When we arrived back home I logged onto Twitter and saw a ton of tweets in regards to Amy’s death. I was in shock. The news jolted me, especially after stating how much that I missed her just an hour or so prior.
It saddens me to know that Amy’s death may have been due to love or the lack of that is depicted on Beyonce’s “Rather Die Young”. Now in no way am I insinuating that Amy blatantly used drugs to rush her death because of her love for her ex-husband but, it’s pretty apparent that Amy lived on a road of self destruction. Part of that was a result of her love for Blake trumping her love for self.