So often we make choices without ever pausing to contemplate that things may not go our way. When standing at the fork in road…do you ever glance down the bumpy path and concede to the idea that this may be your trail to travel? The gift my mother gave was teaching me early that before blazing any trails, no moves should be made until your able to accept that your decision may leave you parched staring at an empty cup.

So, when it comes to the possibility of love, is heartache the worst case scenario? And if the answer is yes…is it worth it?

I once loved a man to the extent that his happiness meant more than my own. This resulted in my one and only, true heartache. Although, it’s ramifications were far reaching and long lasting, I had already accepted this was a possibility. The end result, I became a lover of love from a distance. After all, there’s safety in space.

So, Vixens let me ask you this:

Once you’ve taken the time to the time to consider your cup may not runneth over, is it truly better to have loved and lost…than to have never loved at all?

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The beauty of a man.

It’s in a woman’s nature to love a man. We’re built for it. Our hearts, minds, and spirits, created it for it.  Nurturer’s by nature, we are the ultimate “Captain Save a Hoes.” Love leads us to want better for a man than he wants for himself.

Potential is paralyzing. We often get lost in the hopes of who a man could be vs. who he actually is. Women rarely admit defeat. So, conceding to the fact that we put our time, love and energy into someone undeserving is less desirable than a bad bikini wax. We will ride that man until the wheels fall off; figuratively of course.

I know I’m not alone on this one. I can’t be. I’ve loved so deeply that I made his dream my own. I carried his baggage to lessen his burden and I viewed his drawbacks as opportunities.  I honestly believed that if I loved him enough, he’d love himself enough to be who I knew he could be.

The question becomes, at what point does the benefit of the doubt become doubtful? At what point do you save yourself?

Some would say you have to love yourself enough to let go, I’d argue that you have to truly love yourself to love someone else to that extent. Maya Angelou states, “When someone shows you who they are…believe them.” Perhaps she’s on to something.

Vixens, what do you think? Is giving someone the benefit of the doubt actually beneficial or is it best to cut your losses and place your bets elsewhere?

Cheating used to be a deal breaker for most. Stepping out was one of the fastest ways to get put out. But with the way things have changed, and if we assume that everyone has a hand in the cookie jar, is it worth it to trade in one cheater for another? If you are the clear priority in your partners’ life, your needs (emotionally, physically, and mentally) are being met, and your home is happy would you be content being #1 vs. being the only?

I reached out to the Boys and Girls in this case, to get their thoughts.

Tremayne, 31, Single:  Excellent question my answer would be no! See this is the culture that is produced when people settle, for the sake of not being alone. People give far too much of themselves away just to say. “I have someone.” If you’re not the only one, reality is you’re not number one! I’ll admit it’s a hard truth to face but it was never designed to be this way. We try to redefine thing so it make sense in our world, but it doesn’t and it never will. How can one be complete if they always give themselves away?

Josh, 29, Single: I would be able to be in a relationship like that if we were both stepping out and doing what we want to. What I wouldn’t do is sit at home knowing she was out. My issue is why are we stepping out on each other? What isn’t right that we are living this way? If your needs are being met but theirs aren’t then it’s not a real relationship. It’s not a two way street.

David, 30, Married:  I wouldn’t accept a woman cheating on me, in any shape, fashion or form…PERIOD. To each their own but I’m not down with that movement, I know a lot of men who have been cheated on and take it for fear of being a failure. Do I think women are more likely to turn a blind eye to cheating? 100%. But in my opinion women turn a blind eye to it for the same exact reasons why I won’t, the way they were raised, self esteem, pride.

Lindsey, 22, In a relationship: Hell no! I think I say this now knowing I’ve done it once before. I was in a relationship previously where I knew he was sleeping around but I was content with us and he treated me right. He took care of my needs. At this point, I want my man all to myself. Call me selfish. There’s always the chance the other woman can fall in love with him & steal it all.

Tiffany, 26, Single: I gotta admit I might be tempted. I might even roll with it for a minute, but when it comes down to it there really wouldn’t be any point to it. Either somebody is gonna get bored or get hurt, and more than likely it will end up being both. I just don’t believe you really can be fulfilled if there are more than two people in a relationship. You might get a nice little fling out of the deal but ultimately there are two questions you need to ask yourself: 1) Is it worth it?  2) Can I really handle the possible outcome?

Tanya, 31, In a relationship: I would not be content being #1. I would need to be the ONLY ONE. I think that cheating is still a deal breaker for most. If you love someone they should be enough and you shouldn’t have to step out.

I have to agree with the consensus, for me, sharing isn’t an option. Perhaps it’s the only child in me. What’s the point of agreeing to a committed relationship if the only thing we’re committed to is instant gratification? Furthermore, I understand fully that life isn’t a fairy tale, and Cinderella’s glass slipper isn’t a red bottom, but I refuse to believe that everyone is cheating. A persons’ perception of relationships and others are based on their own experiences and reality. Perhaps we should start there.