Cheating: Deal Breaker or Part of the Bargain?
Posted by on Jul 18, 2011

Cheating: Deal Breaker or Part of the Bargain?Monogamy’s missing.  Loyalty’s long gone. Faithfulness has fallen to the wayside. Men are blaming women, women are pointing the finger at men and everyone swears everyone is cheating. “Hoes be winning.” Jump-offs are jumping for joy.  And even if everyone isn’t cheating, no one trusts anyone. In the end monogamy and relationships are losing.

Cheating used to be a deal breaker for most. Stepping out was one of the fastest ways to get put out. But with the way things have changed, and if we assume that everyone has a hand in the cookie jar, is it worth it to trade in one cheater for another? If you are the clear priority in your partners’ life, your needs (emotionally, physically, and mentally) are being met, and your home is happy would you be content being #1 vs. being the only?

I reached out to the Boys and Girls in this case, to get their thoughts.

Tremayne, 31, Single:  Excellent question my answer would be no! See this is the culture that is produced when people settle, for the sake of not being alone. People give far too much of themselves away just to say. “I have someone.” If you’re not the only one, reality is you’re not number one! I’ll admit it’s a hard truth to face but it was never designed to be this way. We try to redefine thing so it make sense in our world, but it doesn’t and it never will. How can one be complete if they always give themselves away?

Josh, 29, Single: I would be able to be in a relationship like that if we were both stepping out and doing what we want to. What I wouldn’t do is sit at home knowing she was out. My issue is why are we stepping out on each other? What isn’t right that we are living this way? If your needs are being met but theirs aren’t then it’s not a real relationship. It’s not a two way street.

David, 30, Married:  I wouldn’t accept a woman cheating on me, in any shape, fashion or form…PERIOD. To each their own but I’m not down with that movement, I know a lot of men who have been cheated on and take it for fear of being a failure. Do I think women are more likely to turn a blind eye to cheating? 100%. But in my opinion women turn a blind eye to it for the same exact reasons why I won’t, the way they were raised, self esteem, pride.

Lindsey, 22, In a relationship: Hell no! I think I say this now knowing I’ve done it once before. I was in a relationship previously where I knew he was sleeping around but I was content with us and he treated me right. He took care of my needs. At this point, I want my man all to myself. Call me selfish. There’s always the chance the other woman can fall in love with him & steal it all.

Tiffany, 26, Single: I gotta admit I might be tempted. I might even roll with it for a minute, but when it comes down to it there really wouldn’t be any point to it. Either somebody is gonna get bored or get hurt, and more than likely it will end up being both. I just don’t believe you really can be fulfilled if there are more than two people in a relationship. You might get a nice little fling out of the deal but ultimately there are two questions you need to ask yourself: 1) Is it worth it?  2) Can I really handle the possible outcome?

Tanya, 31, In a relationship: I would not be content being #1. I would need to be the ONLY ONE. I think that cheating is still a deal breaker for most. If you love someone they should be enough and you shouldn’t have to step out.

I have to agree with the consensus, for me, sharing isn’t an option. Perhaps it’s the only child in me. What’s the point of agreeing to a committed relationship if the only thing we’re committed to is instant gratification? Furthermore, I understand fully that life isn’t a fairy tale, and Cinderella’s glass slipper isn’t a red bottom, but I refuse to believe that everyone is cheating. A persons’ perception of relationships and others are based on their own experiences and reality. Perhaps we should start there.

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  1. avatar

    I refuse to be anything but, the only one! No point in being in a committed relationship if there are going to be others. i refuse to believe this is part of the bargain, unfortunately it seems cheating has become more socially acceptable.

  2. avatar

    Cheating is not synonymous with being human. People cheat because of their own personal issues or because they can get away with it. People cheat out of unhappiness or fear. I firmly believe that in order to avoid cheating, couples really need to have a conversation about their relationship in the beginning. A lot of people make a distinction between emotional cheating and physical cheating. This needs to be discussed. Also – what happens in the event of cheating? what happens if your partner kisses someone, or starts to really like another person? That openness needs to really be there.

    Also though, self knowledge is really important. Naturally, this is a life long process but it helps to open with yourself about why you’re doing the things you’re doing.

    Just some thoughts!

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