Trust and believe, you’re not the only one. But don’t get frustrated so easily. You may just have something really special if you just work with him a little. I tell my girl this: Be patient, be vocal, and teach to eat. It may be worth it.

Editor’s Note: Mashonda has been working on a book series, an enthralling variety of romance, relationship, self-help/motivational and life styling methods. She is so excited to share some excerpts and short stories with you that pertain to Vixen-worthy topics, so let’s start with Devon and Cade and, well…dining in.

Excerpt from Jewels of Time:

“You like that?”

Cade’s voice was slurred and muffled but miserably understood. Devon was not in the mood to deal with this again. She laid there in her black lace bra and wished she could time travel to an exotic island and somewhere far away from Cade’s mouth. They had been dating for months and sexual intercourse had only been a part of their relationship for the past two weeks. It was new to them both and they enjoyed the experience, except for when Cade bravely decided to go “down.” The first few times he tried, Dev just laid there and endured the torture: the excessive saliva, the pulling, tugging, and the insanity she felt every time he went directly around the spot he was suppose to lock in on.

Dev really had a thing for Cade. They shared a lot of the same interests, and even though it took him two months to get her attention, when he did, she realized immediately how amazing he is. His good looks, college education and thriving motivation are only a few of the things that turned her on. He was by far the most sincere, humorous, and charming man she had met in all of her short twenty-two years. He had just about everything going for him, except only one flaw: Cade needed some serious help in the oral pleasure department. Devon had made up her mind and tonight was the night she would become his love teacher.

“Babe, slow down, just take your time,” Devon blurted, now slightly aggravated.

“What do you mean, Dev? I thought you liked it this way,” he responded.

“This is the spot that counts the most, baby. Pay attention to how I move your finger and then imitate it with your tongue. I’ll tell you when to suck it hard and when to lick it slow, but for now just tease it this way, the way I’m moving your finger. I’ll walk you through this.” Cade pulled his face up and came eye to eye with Devon. She took one deep breath and grabbed his hand, placing it directly on her clitoris. She figured the only way she could get him to do it the way she wanted was to actually demonstrate the act, so she began her one-on-one course in cunnilingus.

Devon was determined not to give up on her man. She wanted him to know her body better than she did herself. She slowly pulled his hand back up and made a V-shape with his middle and index finger. She started to lick the thin fold of skin between the two fingers. “Sometimes I like it hard like this and other times I just want you to play with it like this.” Cade’s eyes widened and he smiled with a touch of embarrassment.

At first Cade was in shock. His ego was a bit bruised but when he heard how Devon was reacting to his new tongue dances, he became very proud of himself. He was beginning to understand the art of the act. He felt her sensitivity, her peaks and her flow. Her body started to move in a way he had never felt before. Cade was more turned on than he ever was before. He couldn’t believe his newfound power. It took no time at all before Cade became a pro…”

Vixens, it is possible! If you’re not reaching your potential climax due to his poor performance, don’t bash him about it. Fact is, no guy automatically knows how to give great oral. It takes time, experimentation, and some good guidance from a patient woman to learn how to be a southern pleaser. You may have found the captain of your sea if you only communicate what motions will rock your boat.

Oh, and don’t forget, if he does a good job, don’t be selfish. Take the wheel. It’s your turn to please. Don’t be afraid to return the favor. And if you are, I suppose we will talk about that in the next Jewel.

Bravely Yours and wishing you a fabulous 2013,

Mashonda

Mashonda is an New York-based writer/songwriter who has studied memoir and fiction writing and has had the experience of critiquing her style in writers workshops abroad. She is inspired by the cultures of the world and her own life experiences. 

Infidelity reigns. Hundreds of boyfriends and husbands cheat every hour, and single women are looking for their future husband, boyfriend or temporary sponsor—and you better believe they will do whatever it takes to get him and keep him. It’s not a fair game out here; females are on the prowl with a mission. Not to take any fault away from the men that are involved in these scandals, but let’s face it, women hold 75% of the power in these reckless relationships. We, as females, can walk away from or turn down a married or committed man way before he would turn us down. Those of us that are built with a lack of compassion, and raised with little to no morals, will degrade ourselves and our “fellow women” just to get what we think is the prize.

Let’s remove the cheating husband from the equation for a moment, only focusing on the “other woman.” This is the story of the first, and hopefully the last, time someone’s wife will call my phone.–Mashonda TifrereI gazed out of the ten-foot glass window of my living room in Pomona, N.Y. Everything was clear, but I couldn’t focus. My past was so close to my present. Everything was happening so fast that I never had time to mentally catch up. What seemed to be the past ten years of my life was slowly becoming thousands of memories lost. I was in a daze. My marriage had come to an end. The papers were finally signed and now I was leaving the place that used to be our happy home. I never thought this day would ever materialize, but it was here and I was moving on.

The sound of tape pulling and tearing coupled with moving men rambunctiously screaming instructions and directions over each other’s heads was the main audio in my soon-to-be vacant marital residence. I was only in my sixth hour of packing up nine years of belongings from a 21,000 square-foot mansion. I had another nine hours left and I was already exhausted, mentally and physically. My to-do list was never ending and I felt as if I was dragging my feet when in reality I was moving around the house at lighting speed.

I reached below my waist to pull up my denim shorts, which were constantly testing the laws of gravity. A girl’s gotta eat, but within months of my union’s deterioration, hunger pains would take a backseat to the emotional kind and a rapid weight loss ensued. I wanted to lose a few pounds but not under these stressful circumstances. I embraced it, though. I just never had time to go purchase better fitting jeans.

My cell phone rang, and as I managed to grab the phone and hold up my pants, I pressed the talk button.

“Hello,” I said.“Is this Mashonda?” 

The voice of a woman inquired with a serious texture. Not like the stern and deliberate cadence of a bill collector, more like a concerned family member.

Firmly, I replied, “Yes, who’s calling?”

“How do you know my husband?”

I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t move anymore. The mental exhaustion that I was experiencing had amplified to the ninth degree in a matter of seconds.

“Who is your husband and who are you?” I replied.

“My name is Cassandra Rubin. My husband is Eric Rubin.”

The name didn’t ring a bell right away but I kept listening.

“I saw your number in his phone, and in the last month, he has called you numerous times. I also heard a voicemail from you recently. You left him a birthday message. How do you know him?”

I heard the frustration and pain in her voice escalating. The woman had a dozen questions for me to answer and I felt compelled to answer each one of them. I was a wife before, so I understood the pain and confusion she was feeling. I wanted to share every detail with her; it felt like the right thing to do. She confirmed that this wasn’t the first time she had to make this type of phone call and that he had cheated many times before. It was completely out of my jurisdiction to judge her choice of staying with him. I’d been in that boat before, as well. I know that walking away isn’t the easiest thing to do, especially when you think you’re in love and you can’t live without that person. It’s the woman’s decision to stay or leave. Sadly, the longer you stay, the more of your soul you lose.

Cassandra told me all about their children; the same boys that Eric said lived in another country and was mothered by a woman he spent a very short time of his life with. She wanted to know if we slept together and the last time we saw each other. Thankfully, there wasn’t much to tell her. After she got into detail, I realized who her husband was. He didn’t go by Eric Rubin.

He told me a totally different name, and when I told her the name, she said that it was his nickname from college. I had only known her husband for one month and we went on one lunch date. A mutual friend introduced me to him at a charity event. He never wore a ring and no one in his circle ever spoke of a wife. He worked in New York City but traveled a lot, so it’s fair to say that he was living two lives.

During our very first conversation, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said no and that he’s just very focused on his business. Why wouldn’t I believe him? I had no right to think of him as a liar. Now I wonder if this is where the “benefit of the doubt” theory makes women look naive and simple. I couldn’t believe that I had been lied to, that I had been made a pawn on someone else’s chessboard—now a corner in a love triangle. This woman was crying her heart out to me, she wanted details about my relationship with her husband and I gave them all to her.

Before hanging up the phone, I assured Cassandra that nothing else happened and promised her I would never accept his phone calls again. I told her about my recent divorce and hoped that she understood and trusted my compassion towards her. Only twenty minutes after we hung up, her husband conveniently called me. I didn’t answer but of course he left a message apologizing and trying to assure me that his wife was crazy.

Typical.

Women lie. Men lie. The truth doesn’t. Morals, ethics and respect are almost non-existent. How do we evolve when everyone is selfishly concerned with his or her own feelings and wants? What would you have done in this situation? Think about it and be truthful with yourself.

The very first time I heard the confident and raspy voice of Jason Phillips, I got goosebumps. It was unique and dynamic; I wanted to hear more! I still remember when I met him for the first time at a Puff Daddy party on South Beach. It was 1997 and little did he or I know, he would become apart of the most incredible hip-hop story ever told. He was a Bad Boy.

Growing up in Yonkers, NY and sharing a childhood with his Lox group members, he talks about their toddler days and says they are still very much a group. While attending college at Westchester Community, he already knew what he wanted from life. I recently sat down with Kiss and was able to to get into his heart and soul. Even though he’s the sweetest and kindest in my eyes, he will remind you not to let the baby face fool you.

MASHONDA: Is kissing a thing for you?
JADAKISS: Kisses? Nah, not at all.

So it doesn’t connect at all?
Nah. I mean, that ain’t what the name is for. That ain’t my trademark. I don’t mind kissing somebody that I’m with, [but] I don’t do a lot of kissing. You won’t be able to find a lot of people that say they kissed Kiss [laughs]

When was the first time you fell in love?
I’d probably say I fell in love a long time ago, but I really didn’t know it. By being in the industry, making money and thinking you’re that dude, men do a lot of moving around. Men move around more than ladies, if you know what I mean. But I’ll say the first time I knew I was in love was when somebody that I really felt feelings for was dealing with somebody else. Nobody really knew it, but that really hit me. In the hood, stuff gets exaggerated and dude came to me like, ‘Yo, such and such is messing with…” He made it look like it was extra crazy, and I was like, ‘Word?’

Did that change your view on women?
It made me want to tighten up. It made me want to sharpen my skills [laughs], but you can’t really take nothing for granted, especially females. A good female comes a dime a dozen, so when you really get your hands on one, you should really do the right thing. Females are very devious. I‘ve had talks with my mom about females. She keeps it the realest you can keep it. Females can go to the grave with something, and you gotta know that. Females can hold stuff in, pay you back and still hold it in, so you gotta watch what you doing. Watch how you handle the situation.

Sexy video vixen or pretty college graduate?
Somewhere in the middle of that. Like a sexy, pretty, college vixen graduate [smiles]. I mean it depends on personality really. You can be a video vixen and be snobby, or you can be a college girl and be snobby, or you can be vice versa and down-to-earth. It depends really on the personality of the individual.  I don’t judge. You can be a stripper; you can be a construction worker. If you’re cool, you’re cool. We might have some chemistry.

So what’s your favorite feature on a woman?
Definitely her face. Her face and her teeth. You have to have a good smile followed by some nice hair, then everything else falls into place.

Do you think that you’ll ever get married?
I always say that I’ll never get married, but somewhere down in me it’s like I’m secretly planning my wedding. When I’m in my crib, or I’m by myself, I just try not to think too hard before I go and do it before I’m ready to do it. I love going to weddings. I watched my close friend Styles get married. I’m just weighing my options.

Do you have a significant other right now?
Not really. Me and my son’s mother is real cool and on good terms, and she would probably be the one that I would marry if I was to get married. I’m just like a old school dude that feels that he has to take care of his family and his kids and see how it plays out. I see a lot of dudes that don’t take care of their families. I always said I wouldn’t never be like that.

Do you pray?
I pray everyday. When I wake up and before I go to bed, sometimes during the day. I think praying is very important. I’m not going to say that I’m very religious and I don’t go to church as much as I should probably, but I definitely pray more than the average person. I’m a man of the Lord.

Give me two words to describe yourself that people would never expect about you?
I’m very giving. I go out my way for a lot of people and do a lot of things that don’t get noticed, but it’s out of the kindness of my heart. I like charity; I just donated some money to a charter school in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. I was down there for a walk-through last week, and the coach came and he told a story that really touched me. When I got home I spoke with my accountant, and I sent them a couple thousand. That’s something that won’t get publicized. Now it will because you’re doing this interview, but besides that no one would know. I do a lot of things like that that people people that don’t know me and see me and think I’m mean wouldn’t know. I’m a Gemini also, I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly. [Laughs]

What are you the most passionate about?
I’d say my kids. My family and my career, but my family more than anything. I just lost my grand pops, [and] my mom is a little sick. Actually, I lost my grandmother and my grandfather in the same year. My grandmother first, then my grandfather a few weeks ago. It was my father’s mother, and my father is the youngest child out of his brothers and sisters, so seeing him go through that gave me a whole new outlook on family. Just to start doing more things. I do a lot of things with my kids, but I’m trying to push more family reunions and dinners. That really hurt my whole father’s side of the family, seeing my grandmother go. They handled it well, but you can tell that they’re going through a real hardship. Before I experience that, I just want to live life to the fullest and enjoy it.

So your son is 14 years old. Is he coming to you about girls yet?
I think right now he’s getting in the season with the girl thing. He’s on the phone and BBMing, Skypeing. He’s doing a lot of that now. He talked to me about girls, but he’s more interested in other things more than girls right now. He’s a good kid and gets good grades. Especially how the world is today, you don’t know how it can go with the youth. You try to grip them up and keep them on the right track.

www.mashondaloyal.com | twitter.com/mashondaloyal | facebook.com/mashondaloyal

Be a girly girl in a pretty, fitted sequins dress like this one from Scala!

Be a diva in this body hugger with shoulder pads and stretchy textured fabric by Issue NY!

Or be edgy in this sexy strapless leather dress by Miu Miu!

What will be your look for NYE? Happy New Year’s from Living En Vogue!

Growing up military style, Lil’ Mo bounced from state to state and was forced to change friends and schools often. Even though this wasn’t something that she enjoyed, Mo admits that this unique upbringing enabled her to “just know how to flow with it.” Today, the songstress, songwriter, and radio personality understands how her foundation was designed to help her achieve the heights that she’s been able to reach. Managing her independent label Honey Child Entertainment Inc. for the past 10 years, she’s kept her business in-house for the latter benefit. If you thought that she left, then guess again, because she’s not going anywhere! Get to know the voice behind some of hip-hop’s classic records.

VIBE Vixen: How did you come up with Lil Mo?
Lil Moe: Me and my mom have the same name so I wanted to get away from being the part two. I came up with it 12 years ago. It’s easy to remember because you use it everyday no matter what you say. ‘Let me get a lil’ mo’ sugar. Let me get a lil’ mo’ nail polish.’ [laughs]

VV: How is it juggling three kids, a husband and a music career?
LM: I have two girls and a 2-year-old son. My son knows he drives me crazy. He busts in the bathroom and everything. I tell him, ‘You can’t come in I have to wipe,’ and he says, ‘No, mommy you don’t have to wipe.’ Ugh! Are you kidding me right now?

VV: How long were you signed to Cash Money?
LM: I signed to Cash Money in ‘04, like a month after I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, and I left in ‘05. They’re a family-owned business, Bryan and Ronald run everything. At the end of the day, they kept it all in-house. It was a good experience.

VV: P.S. I Love Me the name of your new album. Where does that come from?
LM: I took a hiatus from the industry. I realized that you can lose yourself if you don’t love yourself enough or if you get too engulfed in the industry or just caught up in what people say about you. What really matters is the love for yourself, and you really have to go back to what you got into the industry for. My foundation and the only product that I’ve been wanting to push is the love for self. I came out talking I was a superwoman, I came out talking about you trying to love forever, everything I did was built off of that foundation, but one thing I never wanted to compromise was the love for myself. I never compromise my integrity, my dignity, my self-respect or my work. With that being said, my reputation has always been like that’s the girl from around the way, and since I have a lot of around the way girls and and guys that listen to me, I felt like I needed to approach the issues that we’re dealing with in the community and the biggest one is low self-esteem.

VV: Do your daughters sing?
LM: They actually do. Right now they’re at that stage when they’ll sing all loud in the house and be hyped, and when they get around people they are shy. My son, he’s actually the loud one.

VV: I was watching a YouTube video recently, and I saw you talking about a near death experience. What happened and how did it affect your life?
LM: Well that was earlier this year. I had a show at the radio station, and I was traveling back and forth everyday. Sleep deprivation and improper dieting really can take a toll on your body. Me not knowing, I was like, I’ma take these diet pills and I’m just gonna get up. I was drinking energy drinks: one in the morning, the afternoon and the night and I was taking sleeping pills. It was really jacking me up. My body just shut down while I was driving home one day. I had enough strength to pull to the side of the road on the highway and rush out of traffic with my elbows. Thank God that all you have to do is push a button, and it will make an emergency call. They found me and took me to the hospital. All of my levels, my blood, sugar, potassium, oxygen, everything was like… I’m lucky that I didn’t have a seizure or didn’t go to an anxiety coma. I felt myself getting weak. I just went on the side of the road and said, ‘Lord, please don’t let me die on this highway.’

VV: What can we expect with this new record? What’s some of the touring and projects that you’ve been working on?
VV: Well I’m resurfacing not as an artist but as an entertainer/entrepreneur. I’ve reached out to a lot of the relationships that I’ve made in the industry. For my first street single “On The Floor.” I called Fat Man Scoop; we have a party record. I shot a video for “I Love Me” which is title of the album. We got Tweet, and she’s coming off of retirement. I got Dawn Richard from Dirty Money; we did a song together. The mission that I want to accomplish with this album and in the industry is just to put out good music. A lot of people say the industry is dead. Well the only people that can revive it are the people who can really write, who have a track record, who are connected and respect it. Not just let me put out this song for the radio. No it doesn’t work that way anymore. That’s why I admire Mary J. Blige because she’s been consistent since day one.

VV: How will you be spending Christmas?
LM: My family and I will be spending Christmas in church and with each other. It’s rare that I am without them on the holidays. I don’t just mean my husband and three children, I’m talking about all of us. Momma, Daddy, my sister and her hubby and their four kids and my crazy brothers. And we are gonna eat and open presents and act a mess as usual. Never a dull moment at the “LOVING” household [laughs]!

Check out a snippet of our record “Mystery” below:

www.mashondaloyal.com | twitter.com/mashondaloyal | facebook.com/mashondaloyal

Suede Snake Deb Wristlet
If your tired of lugging around that big ole bag you must get one of these wristlets.Italian suede, snake-embossed, super chic and sexy.
$98Socialite Hoop Earrings
It’s out with the POPparazzi’s and in with the Socialite’s. These hoop will dress up any outfit and add that extra shine that every lady needs ..
$98Petite Hand Me Down Stack Ring
Instead of stacking your rings piece-by-piece, you can rock this all in one version and still give off the same fabulous effect.
$98Monogram Pendant
Every girl must have a name chain or at least an initial pendent. This dainty piece of sterling silver will effortlessly add charm to your neckline.
$78

Today: Kanye Yeezy consistently takes swag to another level. Dapper West.

2000s: David Beckham’s style always scores points off the field.

’90s: Mr. Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs can wear anything and make it look effortlessly cool.

’80s: If you’re not a 80s baby then you know MJ’s style was the most desired!

’70s: John Travolta’s signature suave style inspired a whole generation of smooth. 

’60s: Sean Connery’s debonaire style made all the Hollywood starlets look his way.

’50s: Harry Belafonte had it all–charm, style and art.

I found these insane leather capri pants at Alexander McQueen and fell in love on the spot. Pair them up with a fitted or baggy sweater, lace stocking, ankle boot or a simple pump for the perfect city girl look. A great alternative is the J Brand “Maria” stretch denim jean. They offer a touch of sheen with thigh-high black coating. They are totally lightweight and will give that edgy leather look for half the price. This is the perfect way to display your outer Vixen!

www.mashondaloyal.com | twitter.com/mashondaloyal | facebook.com/mashondaloyal

Check out details of the items below…

J Brand |  23110 Maria | $185

Alexander McQueen | High-waisted stretch leather cropped trousers| $2,693