During  #NaturalHair Day, I viewed countless tweets and pictures of women celebrating themselves and their hair. It was beautiful, but after a while, I became annoyed. I couldn’t decide if the trending topic was a celebration or a finger-pointing party, though I hoped for the former. I understood when a fellow writer tweeted, “I can’t participate with the (natural hair) hashtag like I deserve to be on a pedestal just because I’m a natural. I still think it’s very divisive.”

The trending topic reminded me of a Twitter debate I participated in just days earlier about straightening natural hair. Some women are saying it’s the number one “don’t” per a follower’s Twitter rant:

“I’m having a very annoying conversation with a woman who has natural hair. It turns out that I’m not ‘helping out’ the natural hair lifestyle by occasionally blowing out my SUPER thick hair and straightening it. Here’s what she said: ‘If you are going to wear your hair natural that means no blow drying or straightening it to look straight.’”

Give me a break.

Before you give me the side-eye, I, too, am transitioning. I have been relaxer-free for just over a year now. It started as a challenge of how long I could go without a relaxer. I didn’t do it so much for self-discovery or to see how dependent I am on my hair. Thankfully, I’ve never suffered from thin hair, breakage or chemical damage. I did it to see what my hair looks like without a relaxer. And get this: I straighten it…often! *gasp*

I will not be told what to do with my hair by anyone.

After nearly 17 years of relaxing my hair, I’ve almost completely grown out my relaxer, and it took patience and discipline. After accomplishing that, which I consider to be a milestone, I will not have anyone tell me that I have to wear my hair in its natural state. My hair, my decision.

I often hear the phrase, “It’s just hair” thrown around in discussions to promote various schools of thought regarding hair. If it’s, indeed, “just hair,” why shouldn’t I have the freedom to do with it whatever I choose—be it to relax, coil or weave it?

Yes, it’s true that hair is a MAJOR issue for African-American women. To quote interior designer Shelia Bridges, who was featured in Chris Rock’s controversial documentary, Good Hair, “The reason hair is so important is because our self-esteem is wrapped up in it.” If this is so—if hair is such a big part of us, is it really appropriate to treat our hair choices and textures as members-only clubs?

I am in no way suggesting that we shouldn’t celebrate our hair and its versatility. More so, I’m suggesting that no other person has the right to dictate what we do with our own hair, natural or otherwise. The beauty about being a woman is we have an array of options, and that is what we should embrace.

My personal goal is to grow longer hair. Eventually, I’ll wear it “out” or in twist-outs, but when I choose. All of the parts of our bodies, even the hair that grows from our heads should cause us to feel loved, not guilty or judged.

So to the women, like my dear friend, who can rock a ‘fro and twist-out like no other, the women who flat irons her natural hair every two weeks, the ones who let the relaxer sit until it begins to fizzle on her scalp, and the ones who think the longer the Remy, the better, only you know makes you shine. Whether I agree with your methods or not, it’s your hair, not mine. If what we’re really practicing and advocating for is freedom from whatever is entrapping us through our hair, let’s act as such. Live and let live.

The emergence of divorce parties, as shown on Basketball Wives, proves that any occasion serves as an excuse to get your boogie on. A break-up can be emotionally draining time, full of self-doubt, hurt and anger. Studies show that exercise can help relieve physical pain that a break-up can cause. Instead of wallowing in your thoughts during spin class, sweat it out on the dance floor. Would you ever throw a break-up party with your girls? If so, we suggest these tunes to help you get over the hump.

Best I Never Had ~ Beyonce

There’s nothing more sobering than realizing your boo is loser. At some point in our lives every woman will relate to this song, but that’s still a reason to celebrate. Thank God you found the “good” in goodbye.

Never Gonna Get It (My Lovin’) ~ EnVogue

It’s an old school jam, but it still rings true. If this doesn’t get you and girls on the dance for nostalgia’s sake, I don’t know what will. Whoo, whoo, whoo!

On To the Next ~Jay-Z

Jay doesn’t talk much about moving on to another relationship, but it’s an unspoken rule that the best way to get over someone is find someone new. Can one song be any more appropriate?

You Gets No Love ~ Faith Evans

Ms. Evans breaks it down on why she’s shutting her ex down. “Play with my emotions, you get no devotion. You can’t even be my friend and you gets no love again. Whatever you do, it will come back to you.” We feel you 100 percent, First Lady.

Single Ladies ~ Beyonce

You’ve secretly (and unsuccessfully) tried to learn the dance routine in your living room and no matter where you are, you twist your “ring hand” whenever Bey sings, “Oh, oh, oh, oh…” . Now’s the time to let it all hang out. Flaunt what he’s gonna miss on the dance floor.

Deuces ~ Chris Brown

When this beat drops, you cant’ help but to get in your zone. This is perhaps the best break-up song ever for guys, but women feel it too.

F*ck You ~Ceelo

So what you drop the F-bomb a few times? Don’t let that stop you from dancing to a fun song. Besides, sometimes that’s just how you feel. It is what it is.

No matter your personal view on hair weaves and their effects on self-image, they drive a billion dollar hair industry, and it seems that they’re here to stay, atleast for a little while. Let’s take a look at how they’ve changed for the good and the bad.

Setting the Standard (The Supremes)
There’s no greater hair diva than Diana Ross. When she and the Supremes hit the scene, everyone took notice. Wearing wigs and hair extensions, then called “falls,” the super trio became known for their style and shiny and…unmovable tresses.

Unbe”weave”able (Jody Watley)
Jody Watley was rocking a classic 1980s weave on this 1987 album cover. From R&B singers to video girls, more and more women were shedding the once popular “natural” hair and the wretched Jheri Curls for long flowing locks. Unfortunately, no one ever told them there’s a thing as too much hair.

The Synthetic Hair Era (Tichina Arnold)
As weaves became more accessible to the everyday girl, more women joined the secret society, but still publicly denied that they wore them. They were mocked for rocking synthetic hair, which was less flattering, not to mention flammable. Pamela James, the hilarious character on Martin was the biggest butt of weave jokes on television. “There’s a bald-headed horse running around somewhere.”

Variety is the Spice of Life (Lil’ Kim)
One of the first black celebs to don wigs of every color in the crayon box, Lil’ Kim showed us how to be playful with our hair. From short wigs to long highlighted extensions and curly do’s, Kim made switching it up was the new rule.

Where’d You Get That Hair? (Beyonce)
Gone are the days when people would whisper among their friends, “Is that her real hair or a weave?” The popularity of hair weaves has skyrocketed to a new frontier. In 2009, Chris Rock’s Good Hair broadcasted black women’s hair secrets, but sent a finite message about weaves: It’s no longer taboo, and it’s okay to wear them with pride. Besides, you’ve got the receipt, right?

“Long Hair Don’t Care” (Lala/Ciara)
The takeover of the Remy Indian hair has changed the game for women who desired the “real thing.” As weave technique and types of hair have evolved, ladies are shelling out thousands of dollars for the best hair money can buy. Rather than a ploy to deceive, weave has become a friend and necessity to those who wear them, especially those who suffer from hair loss or those transitioning from relaxed to natural hair.

Versatility and Convenience (Janet Jackson)
“I wore a weave when I went on vacation. Who wants to comb their hair when they’re on vacation?” says Theryl, 29-year-old engineer in Atlanta. Besides kicking the daily hassle of tackling your hair, weaves provide options. After recently showing off her sleek, short natural hair, Janet Jackson hopped back on the weave bandwagon to create a new look. “Back then most had the mindset that people wore weaves because they didn’t have hair or didn’t like their own hair. I initially started wearing them for convenience,” says Almashea, a pharmaceutical representative in Maryland. “It was easy to wet and go or just toss it up and go. Then it just became fun to me to switch up my look without making permanent changes to my hair.”

Keep Your Weave Tight, But Not Too Tight (Naomi Campbell)
When this picture of supermodel and longtime weave-wearer, Naomi Campbell surfaced, fans were shocked. Recent studies report hair loss in Black women is attributed to weaves and braids being worn for extended periods of time. It’s smart to let your hair breathe from relaxers and chemicals, but remember your hair needs a break from weaves, too.