There is pretty much no hole darker than being cast into the friend zone. While you are silently falling in love, the object of your affection is nicknaming you “dude” and running to you for moral support during his fall-outs with other women. Sure, we do it to men all the time, but when the tables turn, the buddy-buddy treatment quickly becomes the abyss of emotion.
I had to learn (the hard way) that it’s very important to be as open and honest as possible. There are many red flags before being drafted into the friend zone that we usually tend to overlook. For instance, him backpedaling out of any über-emo convos is a glaring hint that he wants to keep things light with you.
Personally, I had to break out of the “sweet girl” role. I find that nice girls tend to finish last. Too often being kind will have you constantly avoiding making people feel uncomfortable at all costs, preventing you from addressing needs of your own. Never ideal for romantic situations. (Ever notice the type who are usually susceptible to falling into the friends-only trap?)
Although the lingering fear of ruining a friendly connection by asking boyfriend-girlfriend-style questions remains, you have to swallow whatever reluctance you have and allow yourself to openly communicate with the guy you are attracted to. Don’t let that good-girl-next-door role dictate your moves. It’s typically the conversations we avoid that hinder us from the progressive breakthrough moments with the ones we want.
Ultimately, the best way to swerve the friend zone lockdown is by understanding the difference between a friendship and romantic relationship. In theory our relationships should be great friendships, but draw a line where the friendly you keeps you from being the desirable woman you are. — Nikki Breeden (@coca_colee)