My girl called me some time ago, stressed about something at work. She went home with the hopes of sharing her hellacious day with her man, only to be greeted with short replies and lack of attention. Thus commenced World War III.
He had been dealing with contract issues with his job. I told her that when men are going though challenging times, they tend to shut down. “Give him space and when he is on better ground, talk it out,” I said.
Like most girls, her mentality was that she did not get into a relationship to deal with her stress on top of his. I don’t know what it is with men and women but for some reason we just handle stressful situations differently. Women are nurtured by nature so we have the innate ability to multi-task when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart and life.
Men, on the other hand, are more logical, problem-solving types from what I’ve learned. If they are not stable financially or career-wise, they shut down till they find a solution.
As a girlfriend, you are looked at as a want, not a need. You’re not his wife or mother, which require some degree of necessity, hence why a man won’t make your emotions his priority.
My girl and her man broke up because he couldn’t handle dealing with their issues combined. She called me crying and this was the advice I gave:
“Here is what you do and nothing more. You send him a text and say, ‘I love you. I know you have a lot on your plate. I want you to know I am praying for you and here for you. If and when you need to listen or talk, I hope what ever it is that is troubling you, you find a solution to soon. He may respond, he may not but he will get the message.”
Sometimes men just need to know that you can be there without the emotion. I’m not co-signing the way he handled things but when the storm is over, you will be able to set some boundaries for how you both tackle hurdles moving forward, especially if now isn’t the time.
The next day, he responded with a “ thank you.” She asked what she should write back and I said, “Nothing.”
A week later, he texted her to see how her day was going. Asking for guidance once more, I told her to talk about everything else but their relationship. Soon, the texts turned into calls, calls into lunch, lunch into dinner until he was courting her all over again.
They were able to come to a better understanding of why he had acted the way he did. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself: if women are from Venus and men are from Mars, why is it so hard for people to understand that sometimes you just want to be left alone on your own planet? —Alesha Reneé (Actress/ TV Personality)
Catch Alesha Reneé on Girl Code premiering Tuesday, April 23 on MTV at 10:30/9:30c.