Silence Is Golden: Should You Tell Your Man Everything?

Posted by on Feb 28, 2012

Truth is a cornerstone in any healthy relationship, but nobody said anything about keeping some sh*t to yourself. While communication, sharing secrets, and being vulnerable are important virtues in any long term romantic relationship, there are still some things that go better left unsaid. Last night I was having a conversation with my lover, whom I can wax poetic to on any number of subjects for hours upon hours. In fact there is very little I actually keep from him, but there are a few things ladies that we should save for ourselves, lest feelings get hurt or unnecessary judgments are formed about you. Here are 6 of those secrets that you should not spill to your man.

  • How Many Sex Partners You’ve Had - The saying goes that when a man tells you how many women he’s had sex with you should divide the number by two. When a woman tells you how many men she’s had sex with you should multiply the number by 2. This is not to say you should feign to be a saved and sanctified saint, when in fact you can make a ‘juke joint’Jezebel blush, but a simple omission may do your man’s ego and your unsullied image in his eyes good. Even the most liberal, non-judgmental, self-confident and secure of men cannot stand to think about their lady getting busy with another man. So to err on the side of caution, keep your numbers to yourself.
  • You Still Love Your Ex - Many of us ladies have that one ex in our closet that loved our dirty drawls, and doted on us to no end, but for whatever reason we did not appreciate his love and affections fully during the course of the relationship. Needless to say, you still have love in your heart for your old flame. It would be wise to keep this kernel of truth all to your damn self. As the late great love song crooner Luther Vandross sings “If you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with.
  • You Can’t Stand His Mama - Often times mother daughter-in-law/girlfriend relationships are tenuous, but you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar. Most men are sensitive about their mothers, and she can do almost no wrong in their eyes. By being combative or otherwise insulting to the most important woman in his life is a surefire way to stir up trouble in your relationship. If his mother is overly intrusive, or a certified world class bitch, figure out a way to convey your qualms about her without being disrespectful. Usually some pillow talk, voicing your misgivings in a delicate manner, particularly after a good night/morning/afternoon of  steamy passionate sex can aid in resolving these issues. Whatever format you chose, tread lightly in this matter while still maintaining your ground
  • Size Matters - Unfortunately we don’t get all that we want in one man (neither can we be everything that a man desires in one package.) Call it God’s practical joke. Ever had a good man, I mean a really good man? He treats you like a queen, worships the ground you walk on, goes to church, God fearing, nice body, excellent provider good credit…yadda yadda yadda…but the size of his male member was lacking? Listen, there is no polite way to ever express to a man that his shortcomings is in the size of his penis. I actually have no advice on how to break this kind of news to your guy, except you better decide if this ‘little’ problem is something that you can contend with in the long run.
  • @sshole - It is inevitable that your relationship will reach the proverbial threshold of encountering some knock down drag out arguments. No matter how upset you get it is important to remember to fight fair. Men’s egos are fragile, and more than that there is a way to have an argument and make your point without being disrespectful and demeaning. When having a verbal battle with your man, keep the word ‘bitch’ ‘limp dick’’yo mama’ and other emasculating terminology out of the argument no matter how heated you may become.
  • Your friend is Fine - We all know that Hakeem’s best friend is a catch and damn fine to boot, but under no circumstances should you express this to your man. This can just make the situation awkward between yourself and your man, and your man and his friend and is totally avoidable and ultimately unnecessary. Admire from the sidelines and keep it moving. 

Are there any other things that you think are worth keeping from your man? Do tell….

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