How Will I Know

Posted by on Oct 20, 2011

On my way to work recently I overheard a conversation between two women sitting next to me on the train. The two women, both of whom appeared to be in their mid twenties, were discussing how they will know that their guy is a keeper and found myself eavesdropping because my friends and I have also asked ourselves that question and can never seem to come up with a solid answer. I did a quick Google search and found an article online at Glamour.com that offers a few “tips” on the subject. The author lists things like your guy having his act together, being a family man and putting you first as a few surefire signs that he’s a keeper. However to me some of the signs seem too general, I know plenty of men that exhibit those behaviors and they damn sure aren’t worth keeping. Personally, I’ve had plenty of guys put me first, remember the little things, etc, only to end up being complete jerks; so how will we ever know (cue Whitney Houston)?

In my past relationships I’ve run through various scenarios and “tests” that I foolishly thought would determine whether a man is a keeper. If he can deal with my slight case of OCD where I have to plan meals days in advance or know the menu to a restaurant before I go out to eat, if he can deal with my ridiculously loud laugh and smart ass mouth or if I go straight 730 on him and he stays….he’s passed and is here forever. Silly I know, but in my mind at that particular point in my life these things seemed rational and an absolute way to prove if we would make it. Of course since I’ve gotten a bit wiser I’ve realized that all those things did was attract losers and keep the potentially good ones away. Now, in addition to the basic things like having a job, no serious criminal background, education, etc, I determine whether a man’s a keeper by one thing….whether or not I have to try and keep him.

I used to go out of my way to do things that would get me noticed and hopefully earn appreciation. I did things because I was hoping he would see how good of a woman/person I was, appreciate me and treat me well; basically I was doing things to try and keep him around. Nowadays I just do me and just try to take the relationship one step at a time. I don’t try to keep a man because a good man will see what he has and want to stay. I’ve learned that for me, the sign of a keeper (and a healthy relationship in general) is when I can be me and not try to do things or be someone else out of fear that he’ll leave. When I can do that and still get treated the way I deserve I see it as more than a sign…I see it as a blessing.

What signs do you look for to tell whether a guy is a keeper or not? Do you agree/disagree with anything on the author’s list? How can you tell a guy is NOT worth keeping?

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