I recently had a friend of mine come to me completely distraught because she lost the “love of her life.” She and this guy had been dating for a while and things were nothing short of beautiful. But over the course of the past year or so, things began to get a little rocky. The next thing she knew, she was being hit with the earth shattering words “This isn’t working anymore,” and the two ended up going their separate ways.
So what happened?
Insecurity. A year or so before things became shaky, rumors began to spread that her man was messing around with other women in his workplace. She never confronted him about it. Instead, she went into instantaneous crazy woman mode and started doing things like grilling him about his plans, blowing up his phone, and even worse, questioning her own worth. If dude was going to be cheating on her, there had to be something wrong with her, right? At least that’s how she saw it.The sad thing was that her boyfriend was actually an amazing guy and the rumors were austerely that–rumors. But homegirl was so wrapped up in the idea of him possibly leaving her that she didn’t realize how her frantic behavior was slowly pushing him away. Until, ultimately, he did walk away from her.
Sound like something you’ve been through?
It has happened to a lot of us. Whether we were scorned in a past relationship or we’ve just never felt too great about ourselves for one reason or another, insecurity tends to eat us (and our relationships) alive without us even realizing it.
Ever heard the saying that “you can’t love another if you don’t love yourself”? It’s true. If you don’t first learn to appreciate yourself, there is no possible way that you can open yourself up to be loved in the way that you entirely deserve to be. It’s easy to fall into timorous antics, though. Sometimes, out of love, we think that our constant checking in with our men is just the result of us caring, but in reality, the only reason why the possibility of him cheating is a factor in our mind in the first place is because we don’t’ realize how lucky he actually is to have us. I’m talking about a good man, of course. Shady men do not apply.
The lesson to be learned? There’s nothing that will drive a good man away more than a woman who doubts his sincerest efforts. And the only way an insecure woman can stop doubting her man is if she stops doubting herself.
Have you been a victim of your own insecurity? Share your stories below.