The Little Black Book of Shame

Posted by on Aug 3, 2011

I’ve been single for a little over a year and I only recently realized how to date. No, seriously. I’ve had my share of relationships, boo-ships, we’re-just-kicking-it ships, whatever you want to call them.

If I found a guy I was interested in, conversations were dope and causing me to blush like crazy then I thought I was ready for love! I wanted to settle down with him and to that end, prepared to take myself off the market. Just that quick.

It wasn’t until I started following Essence.com’s “Modern Day Matchmaker”, Paul C. Brunson on Twitter, that I realized how important it was for women to take their time and weight their options, namely be open to the idea of dating multiple men at one time.

And what’s so bad about that? Why the stigma? Dating is simply getting to know several people at one time by going on a series of outings. It can include dinner, dancing, sporting events, whatever you’re into. The purpose? Seeing which guy is best for you.

After mutual feelings develop, only then should you embrace the possibility an actual relationship. So if we understand Dating 101 right, where does the guilt many women feel while dating multiple men come from? Not sex, just dating. There’s no shame in that.

We seem to worry about “how it’ll look” if you’re seen with two guys in one week. Yes, I know perception is greater than reality. I am in no way being naïve when it comes to this. But we can’t continue to be defined by how people perceive us, especially if we deny ourselves a great dating experience in the process.

Brunson recently wrote an article for Essence.com and gave us six reasons women need to date more than one man at a time. He referenced a recent trip to Jamaica where he met a farmer who told him, “Don’t stop watering all your crops when one seed starts to sprout.” Applying the rule to dating, he mentions that when women date one guy at a time they deal with a lot of heartache and finding a partner to jump the broom takes longer, whereas dating multiple men will almost guarantee a higher satisfaction level and in the end, you may find your mate quicker.

Now before the comments come pouring in, let me reiterate that I am in no way advocating any type of Kat Stacks behavior nor am I say juggle several “committed” relationships. The big rule here is to be honest with the men you’re dating, and yourself. If dating multiple men is not your thing, you can stop at any time. But it’s worth giving it a try.

Vixens, what’s your philosophy on dating multiple people at one time? Are we for it or totally against it? What experiences have you had? Speak out!

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