You know her. You’ve seen her. You might even be her.
The young, intelligent woman working hard to achieve her dreams one day at a time. You’re about your business, have a lot to offer and generally make the right choices in life. Then this happens…
Dude on corner: “Hey sexy, can I holla at you for a minute?”
Your first instinct is to keep walking, but when you turn to give him the “n*gga please” face, you notice he’s tall with light eyes and you just LOVE tall guys with light eyes.
You: “You can’t ‘holla’ at me, but you can speak with me.”
Dude: “You kinda feisty ma and I like that. I need a woman who can check me and make me a better man.”
Now you’re trying not to blush at what your sane mind knows is bs, so you play it off.
You: Whatever. Do you have something to say or not? I have somewhere to go.
Dude: Damn, ok, ok. You got a man?
You: No, I have friends.
Dude: Well I don’t want to be your friend. You deserve a man, can I be your man?
You: I don’t know. Can you?
And that right there is where it begins. Fast forward three years later and what you swore would be nothing more than maybe some good sex or a brief fling has turned into a full fledged relationship with you still trying to make moves and him still holding up the corner. Now you hate tall men with light eyes and the criminal record, 3 baby mommas, 5 kids, unemployed, lying drama that they come with. Now instead of going out on fun dates you bore your friends with stories about how good he was when you first met him and you don’t know how it got like this.
Pause. What?? No, please come again with that one. Good? Good!!?? No my dear, he was cute, not good and clearly your behind was lonely. You met him standing on a corner. He called you ‘ma’; wtf is a ‘ma’?? Why in the world would you even stop and listen to the nonsense? He didn’t turn into an asshole, he was an asshole from jump, YOU just settled for it. No good and decent man has ever been found on the corner and I’m a firm believer in where you found them is where you will leave them. What about that initial conversation made you think that he was the man God envisioned for you or that you envisioned for yourself? It’s time to end the madness. You won’t end up in a real life Jerry Springer episode, screaming at the top of your lungs that “n*ggas ain’t sh*t” if you recognize the signs and stay far FAR away. What are some of these signs you ask? Glad you asked…
- He doesn’t speak proper English. We all use slang every now and then, but most of us know what situations are and aren’t appropriate for its use. Your first introduction to a person is NOT an appropriate time to practice your latest Lil Wayne jargon.
- It’s 3pm and he’s standing on the corner with his boys. Of course it could be that he just has a day off, but most men that are out there working for a living and have something to lose are not trying to stand on a corner and take the risk of getting caught up in some random police raid. They will stop, shoot the proverbial sh*t for a few and keep it moving, not look like the corner is where they receive their W-2 forms and FedEx packages.
- He calls you anything other than “Miss” when trying to approach you. A grown man who has had experience with a grown woman knows how to come correct and will not even insult you by calling you ‘ma’, ‘shorty’, ‘brownin’, ‘chocolate drop’ or any other name that doesn’t show even the slightest form of respect.
- He’s 30, but is dressed like an extra in a ’00 Fabolous video. I don’t think anything really needs to be said here. It is not cute for a grown ass man to still be rocking throwbacks, Parasuco jeans with the racing stripes up the sides, velour sweatsuits or wearing sweaters with Coogi or Hilfiger across the chest. I’m just saying…
Of course we could go on all day with the potential warning signs, but the bottom line is this, trust your instincts. There are enough good men out there that we don’t have to act out of desperation and settle for the fixer uppers. These assholes only exist because we keep feeding into the bullsh*t and don’t hold them accountable for their asshole behavior until we’re fed up and dogged out. You know damn well that man on the corner who just stopped you might be good in bed, but bad on your credit, so just say no and please….don’t feed the assholes.