Lest We Forget: Weddings Are Not Just About the Bride

Posted by on Aug 25, 2011

With each day, I hear of another engagement or another to-be-bride finalizing her wedding plans. For most women, it is a day that we dream of from adolescence: picking out the dress designer, location, bridesmaids, first dance song and more. Little girls are conditioned into loving the idea of weddings and that dream carries on into adulthood, when the fantasy turns into reality.

I remember seeing the first Sex and the City film in which Carrie gets left at the altar after Big’s overwhelming apprehension and fear. As I watched I thought, “How could he do that? He got her all the way there to leave her? What a punk”, among other not so kind words. Their saga was ten years in the making and though made for television, their story mimicked many of the couples I knew in real life who had struggled and made-up numerous times to eventually see themselves facing their day of matrimony. Not to be forgotten is the groom’s aforementioned apprehension, which he voiced numerous times to let his fiancée know that he was not into the whole pomp and circumstance that “The Last Single Lady” was turning his wedding into. At the time, I thought him to be ridiculous: isn’t the wedding all about the bride and what she has envisioned forever? Why wouldn’t a man concede to all the wishes his wife has? Clearly, she wouldn’t do anything too outrageous without his approval and knowledge right?

I couldn’t help but think of this whole idea again upon seeing Kim Kardashian’s People cover. Word of her raking in $17.9 mil for media rights from her wedding was astonishing, but I mean, can you knock her hustle? Since the start of her family’s reality show, she has expressed the desire to get married and have a family, even showing jealousy at the idea that little sister, Khloe, was tying the knot before she was. We all knew that when it came time, it would be a grandiose affair. She does nothing small and we all know that her business-savvy mother and manager would not let the wedding happen unless it was larger than life. She made bank off of her dream, which is what most would call success.

What struck me as odd about the cover was the absence of something important. Or should I say someone. Nowhere to be found was Kim’s hubby, Kris Humphries. Ok, Kim is who we want to see and quite frankly, I could care less about the groom, but he is indeed the second half of the union. Regardless of my feelings about it, without him, indeed the wedding would not be possible. At all. So why wasn’t his face shown alongside Kim’s in an image that expressed their marital bliss? Is it because Kim is the star, or that it was her day and thus the groom was just an extraneous detail to be eliminated?

I, for one am very confused about it and it is an idea that speaks to my point: weddings are not just about the bride. Yes, we might have our dreams locked away to be fully realized and manifested when the right person comes along, but we cannot forget about the man who might have also had his own set of dreams for a day that is his, just as much as it is ours. It isn’t just about making the bride happy or doing what she wants, but instead making the day memorable for both her and the groom. This is not to say that most women do not consult their fiancés before making wedding plans, but the emphasis sure is placed on us and what we want.

Kim Kardashian has already had her day and Carrie and Big managed to keep it small and make it work for the greater marital good, but we should all remember that when that special day comes to include the man and keep him just as involved as we would our parents, family, friends and even the wedding planner. It’s a celebration for both parties and who knows? Your man might have dreams of his own.

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