A quick skim of my Twitter timeline at any random point in the day, and I am guaranteed to be updated on when the pine green Nike Foams hit stores, which rapper has the hottest mixtape out and an assortment of fashion tips (hey @juneAmbrose)! The order in which these tweets pop up are subject to change, but there is one consistent topic that is always up for discussion, no matter what time of day—or night. I’ve noticed that an overwhelming number of my male followers have no problem tweeting about their trust issues.
It used to be that men were the evasive ones in a relationship. They boastfully held stereotypes of being “players” and “pimps.” In the movies, suave characters like Shaft and James Bond were always surrounded by beautiful women. In music, rappers bragged about their sexual prowess and inability to be tied down. Elementary school- aged boys were chanting “Me give my heart to a woman? Not for nothin’, never happen, I’ll be forever mackin” on the school bus with as much vigor as a football fanatic at the Super Bowl. And little girls everywhere were watching Cinderella.
Enter Nicki Minaj and her army of “bad bitches.” All of a sudden, girls are the ones boasting about sliding, gliding and shying away from commitment. Women are being just as macho as men, unapologetically sexy and casually promiscuous. And guys are taking notice. “You gotta watch these girls,” they tweet, “Females nowadays are just as bad as guys.”
Here’s the thing: At the end of the day, no matter how boisterously he quotes his favorite misogynistic lyrics in the club, most heterosexual men want to be loved by a good woman. And no matter how much he appears to admire your maneater attitude and appreciate the fact that you can clap your rear to the beat, he’s scared to invest too much into the relationship. At the risk of sounding like a Boondocks character, game recognizes game, and you—with your cutout catsuit and “n*gga is you trickin or what?” attitude—are probably looking very familiar to him.
At some point, it becomes necessary to shed all the bravado and just be real with one another. Because if we as women don’t trust our men and our men don’t trust us, healthy relationships will soon become a thing of the past. And I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not ready to see them go.