Whether you’re skinny or a smidge over pleasantly plump, we are all self conscious about some part of our bodies. We wear extra layers and Spanx to cover rolls, sarongs on the beach to hide cottage cheese thighs or to cover up what one of my friends calls “nature’s love bites” a.k.a stretch marks. Sure more of us need to love ourselves and our bodies, but truth is a lot of us are still a bit uncomfortable….so how does all of this affect our sex lives?
I’ll be the first to admit I love having sex with the lights off. Now don’t get it twisted, if my other half wants it in the middle of the afternoon at the Top of the Rock I will give it to him sun shining and all, but my personal preference is lights off. Why you ask? Because momma has a lot going on (at least in my head) and when the room is pitch black he can’t see all the foolishness! I feel skinny in the dark and if I don’t feel skinny I can damn sure fake it, but does it all even really matter? I mean even with all of the covering and hiding, the reality is the man has already seen you. Even with your clothes on he can see that the jeans you’re wearing aren’t a size two and during sex when he touches you, even in the dark, he can feel a roll or an uneven surface. If a man sees what you’re trying to hide and still comes back for more, isn’t that a sign that your problem isn’t really a problem at all for him? I know some men who have broken up with women for always wanting to have sex in the dark, because they figured if she can’t love herself then why should they love her. The stress of having to constantly reassure someone of their beauty can be a pain, especially during sex when we’re supposed to be free from inhibitions.
On Oprah.com, author Sarah Broom touches on the lights on/off controversy with this:
My mother liked to tell us 12 children that those things done in private are preparation for how one might show oneself in public. I do not know that my mother meant for me to go as far as this, but I have long felt that the bedroom was the perfect training ground, a microcosm of the world, since so much is exposed there, given and sometimes taken away. The thinking is this: If I can get naked in front of you here, stand fully in this body, with its inadequacies and niceties, its multiplicities, then how much more will I be able to do that fully clothed, out of doors.
I couldn’t agree more.
So fam, do you prefer sex with the lights on or off and why? Do you think your man notices or even minds your “flaws” and how do you get over your insecurities long enough to enjoy the sex?