Memories are things that should never leave us; good or bad, they stay stuck in our heads on constant repeat. However sitting around trying to find the answers to questions like, “Why doesn’t he love me” is not going to make your situation any better.
Memories should reflect a part to the soundtrack of your life where you can just skip to your favorite song and smile. In life, we all have our favorite albums we like to listen and we all have those songs we just have to play over and over. These memories shouldn’t be painless to forget.
When in a relationship, everyone is committed. That’s understood. Among friends, they always want to know his or her place when you are dating someone. Frankly, that hierarchy would never be balanced. Now once that relationship is over, you should not have any problem politely putting your ex out of the car and moving along. All the privileges and special things should become obsolete. Trust, I’m a fan of benefits in relationships, even friends with benefits. If you’re in a relationship, why shouldn’t the person you’re with feel special? And hopefully vice versa.
I use this same methodology when it comes to dating. I’m not going to pull out all of the bells and whistles at the beginning. What for? No, you can’t stay the night. No, you don’t have to text or call me all hours of the day. What’s going to change if we actually decide to get in a relationship? Nothing. I’m not searching for the greatest show on earth. I’m just looking to learn more about you. Keep all the fireworks and the woman jumping out the cannon for the fantasy circus my heart doesn’t live in. Don’t send in the clowns.
Now I don’t want you to think having weak moments are a sign of defeat. We all get weak. Making a phone call might seem like the perfect place to begin the journey; but it is not. Sometimes we have those memories that linger on but we cannot forget. If you do not have anything positive you can reminisce about from your last relationship and smile, just be grateful you two are broken up. I can admit to sitting in my room and thinking about all the special moments I’ve experienced in past relationships. But at the end of the day I know those days are over.
There is no way to find true love when we’re constantly looking behind. If you’re finished be finished. There is no reason to constantly check to see what’s going on with past relationships and even wasted late night stained sheets. Moving on is only as hard as moving on. Sometimes we block the opportunity of getting to know someone because we’re still trying to focus on the past. We all deserve more in life. We only betray ourselves at the end by taking our hearts back into doors that were closed and block others from entering.
Drew-Shane Daniels is a Philadelphia based writer who offers his two cents on pop culture, lifestyle, sexuality and entertainment. His work has been featured on Global Grind, Soul Train and Clutch Magazine. You can also follow him on Twitter @drewshane.